Tonight
Ten for the evening
One to ten. Newest, most watched, highest on the Living Meter. Prime, Disney+, Hulu, Hallmark, Acorn, and Netflix.
The dog is loyal. The movie is a beer commercial in a cartoon's clothes. Skip it if the children are young.
The original show was a clean machine: friends, a dog, a greedy man in a mask. This film winks so hard it pulls something. The island is a college party. The mysteries are an excuse for bodies and a potion. Scooby himself is still the loyal creature, and that is the only part worth the name.
If a child loves the dog, give them an episode where the villain is a man who wanted the land. Do not give them this spring break and call it the same story.
Industry
3/10
They have a job and they bicker through it.
Household
3/10
A team, fraying. Not a house.
Piety
2/10
A fake ritual, played for a party.
Courage
4/10
They do go into the dark.
Republic
2/10
An island of customers.
Temperance
3/10
The party is the product. Temperance is absent on purpose.
Truth
4/10
There is a real villain under the joke. The joke is most of the runtime.
Stewardship
3/10
Little is handed on except a brand.
Live historicallyKeep the Saturday-morning version. Leave this one for adults who already know the joke.
Daylight does not make a cult a home. Adults. The ending is not a cure.
Dani's grief is real, and the film is right that a lonely person will accept a chorus. It is wrong, and it knows it is showing a wrong, when the chorus asks for her companions and her judgment. A smile in a field is not mercy. The picture is meticulously made and morally easy to misuse by anyone who wants the last fire to feel like medicine. It is not medicine. It is a trade of one pain for a belonging that kills.
Do not watch it in a low season and call the cult your complex feelings. Call a person who is not in costume.
Industry
3/10
Ritual as labor, turned to harm.
Household
2/10
Grief exploited. A false household.
Piety
2/10
Counterfeit religion, carefully dressed.
Courage
3/10
Endurance inside a trap.
Republic
2/10
A people closed against the stranger's life.
Temperance
2/10
The feeling is indulged to the end.
Truth
6/10
It shows the recruitment honestly.
Stewardship
1/10
It leaves a picture too easy to romanticize.
Live historicallyDo not look for a family among people who isolate you from your dead.
Fear of consequence is not the same as chastity. Adults. Do not treat the walk as a metaphor you need.
The film's image is strong: a thing that does not hurry and does not forget. People have used it as a sermon. It is not a sermon. It knows dread, not repentance, and it has no interest in a fidelity that is more than a tactic. The slow walk is a good picture of a consequence. The film's answer, to hand the consequence down the line, is the opposite of courage.
You can say the useful sentence without the movie. What you do with another person's body does not stay in the hour you wanted. Then leave the curse imagery in the theater.
Industry
2/10
No work. A drift.
Household
2/10
Sex as a transfer. No household.
Piety
1/10
Dread without a law above it.
Courage
4/10
They face it, then try to pass it.
Republic
2/10
A suburb of isolated kids.
Temperance
3/10
The lesson is fear, not governance.
Truth
5/10
Consequence is real in the frame.
Stewardship
2/10
It hands on a tactic of passing the harm along.
Live historicallyDo not make a curse out of another person.
A picture of a bond that calls itself love and functions as a prison.
If you watch any of it, watch for the distinction it forces: staying with a parent is not always fidelity. Norman needed a town, a father, a limit. He got a motel and a secret. The series is too long and too fond of the secret. The distinction is still true.
Industry
4/10
They run the motel. The work is real and then contaminated.
Household
2/10
The household is the disease.
Piety
1/10
No outside authority survives her.
Courage
2/10
He cannot leave. That is not loyalty. It is capture.
Republic
2/10
A town that senses the wrongness and cannot name it in time.
Temperance
3/10
The dread is patient, which is better than gore, and still the point.
Truth
6/10
It is clear that this mother-love is a harm.
Stewardship
1/10
Nothing healthy is handed on. That is the tragedy, correctly.
Live historicallyIf someone in your family is not allowed a life outside one person's need, that is the problem. Act on it offline.
The first film had a father and a blacksmith. This one has a queue. Leave it.
The first story worked because a son wanted his father back and a pirate was not yet a brand. This one starts at the brand. The fountain is an errand. The mermaids are an attraction. Jack is funny the way a mascot is funny, on time, and empty.
You can skip it without missing a sentence you needed. If the house is in a pirate mood, put on the first one and stop.
Industry
3/10
There is a map and a ship. The work is pantomime.
Household
2/10
No house. A missionary loves a mermaid the film does not believe in.
Piety
3/10
A cross shows up. It is a prop in a supernatural chase.
Courage
4/10
People sail toward a rumor of not dying.
Republic
2/10
Kings are employers of pirates. The public is a port.
Temperance
2/10
The joke and the monster take turns. Neither knows when to stop.
Truth
3/10
It does not pretend this quest is noble. It also has nothing it means.
Stewardship
2/10
Nothing is handed on except the hat.
Live historicallyRewatch the first film's father, or watch nothing in this series tonight.
Talented kids, aimed at being seen. A poor school for a real one.
Victoria Justice and her cast can sing, and the series knows you turned it on for that. Around the songs it teaches a Hollywood childhood: sharp, suggestive, and unsupervised. The jokes were written for children and pitched above them on purpose.
Not for the under-thirteens. If it is already a favorite, do not confiscate it in silence. Watch one episode beside her and ask what the joke needed her to already know.
Industry
4/10
Rehearsal is real. The reward is fame, not usefulness.
Household
3/10
Parents are visitors. The school is the only house, and it has no adults worth the name.
Piety
1/10
The sacred thing is the close-up.
Courage
3/10
Social risk, spent on status.
Republic
3/10
A campus with no common good but the next number.
Temperance
2/10
Innuendo is the dialect, aimed at children.
Truth
3/10
Feelings are announced. Obligations are not.
Stewardship
2/10
What they are practicing to hand on is a brand of themselves.
Live historicallyGive the musical child a song that is about something other than being watched.
Play, without a word. The joke is selfishness, and it stays a joke.
Bean wants a small comfort and will overturn a room to get it. The laugh is that he deserves the overturn. There is no moral lecture and no filth, which makes it a rare thing you can put on across ages. Do not let a child think the method works. The method never works. That is the joke.
Industry
3/10
He attempts tasks and ruins them. The attempt is the comedy.
Household
2/10
Almost no one. A teddy bear.
Piety
1/10
None.
Courage
2/10
He is not brave. He is determined to get his own way.
Republic
2/10
Public places he treats as his living room.
Temperance
5/10
The greed is punished by the gag.
Truth
6/10
No dialogue to lie with. The behavior is the whole truth.
Stewardship
4/10
A form children and adults can share, with nothing rotten in it.
Live historicallyWatch one. Then do a simple task the simple way, which is the ending Bean never reaches.
A weekly mockery. Sometimes it hits a liar. Often it teaches that nothing is serious.
At its best the show is a boy who will not clap for the obvious fraud, and a town of adults who already have. That instinct is worth something. At its usual it is a dare: say the cruelest version fast enough and you cannot be answered. Children are the mascots of a disgust that belongs to the writers.
Adults who know the difference can take a particular episode that told the truth about a particular cant. Do not leave it on. A house that marinates in the stance that every institution is a joke will not have one left when it needs one.
Industry
2/10
The adults' jobs are setups. The boys do not have to learn one.
Household
2/10
Parents are fools or villains. The boys are the only real people, which is the lie.
Piety
1/10
Reverence is the enemy, including the reverence a child is owed.
Courage
4/10
They will say the rude true thing. They will also say the rude false one.
Republic
3/10
A town is the set. Every office is presumed corrupt, and the presumption is the comfort.
Temperance
1/10
The pleasure is the violation. The show has never put it down.
Truth
5/10
Now and then the target is a real lie, and the episode earns the watch.
Stewardship
1/10
What it hands a boy is a tone. The tone is older than he is, and meaner.
Live historicallyIf you laugh at this, say out loud what the joke was willing to leave standing.
The desk does not smile at an adult stationed among minors. The brother is the human part.
Josie wants a second chance at being young, which is understandable and already a little dishonest. The paper wants the disguise, which is worse. The teacher who draws close to a student, even one who is secretly grown, is the film's idea of a happy ending and this house's idea of a category error. The classroom is not a dating pool. Her brother's kindness to the actual boys is the part that knows what a school is for.
You can skip it. If it is already a fond memory, retire the fondness for that pairing. Keep, if anything, the embarrassment of having been cruel at seventeen, and the decision not to repeat it.
Industry
4/10
Reporting, corrupted by the assignment.
Household
4/10
A brother who shows up.
Piety
2/10
No reverence for the classroom.
Courage
3/10
The daring is the disguise.
Republic
2/10
A school misused.
Temperance
4/10
Soft comedy, wrong target.
Truth
3/10
The lie is the premise and the romance depends on it.
Stewardship
2/10
It hands on a confusion about who the adults are.
Live historicallyDo not send an adult into a child's world as a disguise.
Jokes about movies. Fine for people who already have a better myth. Not a myth.
Brooks is mocking a merchandise empire, and the mockery is often accurate. Dark Helmet is a fool. The princess can shoot. There is a desert and a last-minute save. None of it asks you to become anything. A parody is a dessert. A house that only eats dessert starts to think sincerity is the joke.
Adults who know the film being teased can enjoy the hour. Do not put it in the chair where a story about duty was supposed to sit.
Industry
3/10
A crew, a winnebago, a bit of flying.
Household
3/10
A princess and a last-minute match.
Piety
1/10
Reverence is the target.
Courage
4/10
They go back for her.
Republic
3/10
A planet of air, played as a gag about greed.
Temperance
4/10
The greed is mocked. So is everything else.
Truth
4/10
It tells the truth about merchandise. It tells few others.
Stewardship
2/10
Nothing to hand a child except punchlines.
Live historicallyLaugh, if you want. Do not hand a boy this in place of a real story.
